Stupid Moments

Stupid Moments

Stupid moments.
That’s what I call them.
A temporary relapse of the mind.

Moments where my brain just ceases to function as it should do,
And I end up thinking the most ridiculous things.
Moments where I allow doubt to creep up on me,
Though I know it has no place in my mind.
Moments where, rather than thinking about how I really, truly feel,
I think about all of the ‘what if’s and the ‘but’s.

Where my mind is usually strong and forceful,
It is suddenly overcome by irrationalities,
Like a dam allowing itself to break from a tiny droplet of water.

What if he gets annoyed with me?
What if he thinks I’m stupid? Disgusting? Weird?
What if he gets tired of waiting for me?

Despite the fact that you are the sweetest,
Most lovely,
Thoughtful,
Patient,
Understanding boyfriend I could ever ask for,
Somehow I still manage to worry myself.

It really doesn’t make any sense, does it?

You’d think, wouldn’t you, that with someone as lovely as you,
I wouldn’t have these little moments of idiocy.
It’s ridiculous, really, to think that I would allow such thoughts to even cross my mind.

But please, don’t get me wrong.
This is not something that happens regularly.
It’s rare that the ‘sensible’ cogs in my brain stop turning like that.
Does that redeem my place in the society of logic, a little bit?
Probably not.

I know; these brain glitches are terrible.
I hate how unfair it is on you.
You don’t deserve the doubts when you’ve been so good to me,
And I’m sorry for that.
I’m so sorry.

But you have to know that, whether it’s what other people say or think,
Or whether it’s just my mind causing these stupid moments,
That’s all they are, and all they ever will be.

Stupid moments.

Like tripping on the last step of the staircase,
Or crashing into a hurdle because you’ve forgotten to jump.
Silly, little insignificant things that barely even graze the surface of what we have.
You mean so much more to me than a fleeting twinge of uncertainty.
Love is more powerful than that.

And although we will never know what’s ahead,  
I do know that you’re amazing,
That you’re always there for me,
That you make me happy,
And that I love you.
And I know that I want to be all of that to you, too.
And sometimes I will have these mini malfunctions of common sense,
But they mean nothing compared to us.

And despite these stupid moments, it looks like I can get at least one thing right…
I’m with you.
Maybe I’m not such a fool, after all.